Everywhere I go, people are constantly asking “Who is the Master of Darkness?” “What makes him tick?” “What is he all about?”
I was at the urinal the other day when I was accosted by a paparazzo asking me all kinds of inappropriate questions. “What are you doing?” “You see the game last night?” “Cold in here, huh?”
Jeez, pal do you mind? I would appreciate my privacy.
Anyway, don’t listen to the idiots in the “lamestream” media.(Ha! Lamestream, I love that.) They know nothing about tMoD. As Chris Hansen might say, “Why don’t you take a seat over there.” and let me tell you about the Master of Darkness…
It’s from a song. “Gemini” by Slayer. Of course. Anyone who knows me(the precious few) would not be surprised by this. They are by far my favorite band. They pretty much have 2 types of songs. Super fast, intense, aggressive and angry. Conversely slow, grindy, intense, aggressive and angry that builds to a super fast song.
Gemini is the 2nd type, it starts slow and then builds. But the lyrics are where this song really speaks to me. It starts:
“Endure the pain, you know my name, I am your soul insane.”
“I am no one. No one who cares”
“I am your soul’s despair.”
“Your fear deceives, vulnerability””
“Leaving an easy prey”
“Consume your mind, a power so divine”
“that will take and rape you blind.”
Then it builds slightly to a pre-chorus with the following:
“Gemini, master of demise.”
“Your death is my salvation to a kingdom mine.”
“My lord and my light”
“The master of darkness”
“Your death is my salvation to a kingdom mine…”
Something about the way the singer snarls “the master of darkness” really struck me. It got stuck in my head. I liked the way it sounded, both in my head and to say it aloud. I liked the way it made me feel. I started referring to myself as “the master of darkness”.
The song builds with another verse:
“You look at me with eyes of fate”
“And see the graphic truth”
“Your ignorance cannot shield you”
“From your naked abuse”
“Numbing your moral sense,”
“That life is unconditional”
“And death is only the beginning…”
From this point, the song picks up its pace and after several guitar solos crescendos to a double time bass drum.
It ends with:
“Walking slow, breathing heavy”
“You could see death sweat”
“How it shined”
“An argument out of control in my mind”
“I’m here for the sole purpose of your death”
“Walking slowly, breathing heavy”
“An argument out of control in your mind.”
“I’m here for the sole purpose of your death”
“Look into my eyes, you’ll see the revelations of your demise”
“Feel the pain that stares at the center of your heart”
“Reflections of my soul”
“Reflections of the dark”
In examining the lyrics, it seems pretty clear the song is about the darker parts of the self. It has an aggressive, adversarial quality. It’s as if the darker part of the psyche is taking over in a calculating, sinister way. The lighter side is doomed, the dark is taking over. There is no stopping it.
This appeals to me now and definitely appealed to me when I first heard the song. That was a dark, miserable time in my life. I was alone and lonely, down on myself, sad, full of self loathing and self-hatred. Perhaps I found solace in the song, perhaps it made it easier on me to think that there was a dark part of myself actively trying to ruin me. Perhaps it gave that part of myself an identity, something tangible that I could point to that was wrecking my life. Maybe that made it easier on me, or gave me a reason to be as miserable as I was. It gave me an excuse to do nothing about it. After all, why bother? How could I overcome such a dark, malevolent presence inside me? What’s the point? There is nothing I can do anyway…
I am so glad I am not like that anymore. Now I love this part of me. I love the master of darkness. That is the part of me that steps back, observes all with a jaundiced eye, and passes judgment on the world and all its stupid inhabitants. It’s the part of me that doesn’t listen to others, that walks alone, stands alone, and decides for myself what is best for me, what I will do, and how I will respond. It’s a bit selfish, I suppose. But that’s ok. It’s ok to be selfish. After all, if I don’t take care of myself, and take responsibility for my place, my status and my life, who will? Nobody, that’s who.
The master of darkness is the part of me responds aggressively and assertively when I am challenged. It’s the part of me that questions EVERYTHING. Why are you like that? Why would you do that? Who are you to tell me such a thing? What gives you the right to act that way? Who do you think you are?
I love that when I refer to myself as the master of darkness, it puts people back on their heels. They are uncertain how to proceed.
What does that name mean?
Does that mean you are evil?
Does that mean you worship satan?
Answers: None of your business. No. Who?
Now I use the master of darkness to stay covert online. I write a lot of private, personal information here, and the last thing I want is someone to google my real name and come across this blog. It’s weird I have no problem with strangers on the internet knowing my personal business, but I guess they don’t really know me anyway. They only know what I write. I seem to be compelled to write such personal, private things. I am still contemplating why. Perhaps that will be a later post.
I love the master of darkness, and am happy and proud to say that whatever tMoD is, I am glad it is a part of me, and a part of my life.
Thanks for reading….